So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize