It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
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