she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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