I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
