just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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