im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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