i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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