Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
