Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
