that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Quick, to the slutcave!
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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