When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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