Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
