there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
