Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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