hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
