i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
