i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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