chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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