Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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