I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
