At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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