Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I smell like Dick and happiness
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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