Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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