I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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