I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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