By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
