I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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