You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
