Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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