It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a search helicopter?!
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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