I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
