Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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