It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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