On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
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