maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
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Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
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I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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