Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
