Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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