My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
