I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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