Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
