i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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