Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
