There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Randomize
