You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Randomize
