Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
