i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
