it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Never joke about your clitoris.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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