she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
