Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize
