Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
