So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
