Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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