Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
