Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
