Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
