Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
tell me about the eggs
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
