Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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