I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you had me at cake vodka
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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