Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
