The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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