I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
