watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
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